Am I the only one still having difficulty accessing their Blog? I feel like I am talking to myself sometimes. I truly enjoy the information you provide in your Blogs and many of you seem so comfortable with it. Well, the last two "meditation exercises" actually made an impact on me. However this week personally, I believe this exercise was the most difficult of the ones we've done thus far. You know, we all have battles within ourselves that we need to overcome. We all love ourselves and those around us. However, sometimes I feel like I can do more and love myself on a deeper level. I feel as though this exercise was a little difficult to connect to because I have not fully learned to love all of me but lack some love in certain aspects pertaining to my whole being. Don't get me wrong, I love who I am and what I am becoming. There are just some things I need to get over, some decisions I need not to regret, and lessons I must remember to utilize. "We must love ourselves before expanding our love to others around us." It was also a little difficult in terms of finding that "zone" to enter. I guess I lacked focus and my time management skills still needs improving. Although, I did find myself here and there entering in and out of peacefulness. When I did, my mind would wander or seem to be left blank. I only felt complete tranquility when the focus of the ocean waves were lingering on. I guess like anything, practice makes perfect and with time the loving-kindness will reveal itself.
I have always directed feelings of love and
kindness toward other and never myself. The exercise says that you
can’t extend those feelings of love and kindness to others without feeling them
for yourself first, but I don’t believe that is true. I think that
it is kind of selfish to think you have to be happy to make someone else happy.
One surprising realization, the part where
it asked us to take on others struggles and suffering, even those who may be
enemies, and breathe them in, I found very hard to do. I’m not a
person who hates, but I do have a couple of people that I cannot find it in my
heart to forgive or like. This is where I got selfish and did not
want to take on their struggles. I felt that their struggles were
created because of their own selfishness and they needed to find a way to
release them. I refuse to wish kindness and happiness for these
people as I feel that they do not deserve it. I also have too much
going on in my life, too many of my own struggles in my family, to worry about
theirs. Mean, possibly, but that is honestly how I felt.
Hopefully, the experiences will become better as I practice this exercise throughout the next week. I also hope you all had a better first experience/connection. I would recommend this exercise. Any type of contemplative exercise that can work our minds can be a good source of relief, reflection, and/or relaxation, even if it isn't beneficial the first time around.
"Mental Workout"
"The most meaningful aim of contemplative practice is not rest and
relaxation but rather the progressive development of an expanded consciousness
and its healing capacities."(Dacher) The concept of mental workout
includes the development of opening our minds and advancing our wisdom and
loving-kindness towards a path of human flourishing. Much like a physical
workout, we are doing so but contemplatively and we must follow through
for results. The results indicate the proven benefits being new growth, a
calmer mind, unity consciousness (wisdom, peace, compassion, happiness &
wholeness), and progression. I can implement mental workouts to foster
psychological health by becoming in-tune with my own self. By becoming one with
my own self, I can then give to others. Even allowing myself 5 minutes for a
break a day for reflecting, meditating, or expressing emotions/feelings will
build a path towards a better psychological health.
I hope I am getting all this right. It seems like a lot to take in just to RELAX and decrease STRESS and ultimately have a healthier WELL-BEING :-)
Peace & Blessings
It definitely takes a lot of time to achieve relaxation - give it some time!
ReplyDeleteBeth, thanks for your encouraging words! I am determined to master this. Well, maybe I will just start with learning how to shut the rest of the world out and relax :-)
DeleteTeddi, I can totally understand where you are coming from. Like you I had a few people in my "do not like" category, because of very valid reasons. I was raised catholic and was constantly told to forgive, I was also reminded that God forgave us all for our sins why couldn't I? Let me tell you something, to this day it is very difficult and its an ongoing process. I can honestly say that I don't hate anymore, I saw the damage that it was doing to me (not the person), and I finally understood that hating them was not the answer. I had to forgive myself for and love myself before I could forgive that person. As I stated before, it is very difficult to this day for me to be around this person, but I remember and assure myself that this person can no long do any harm to me. I cannot forget what this person did to me and I may never forget, but I can forgive him and move on with my life because I deserve to be happy. Take it from me, it takes so much energy to keep bad thoughts and feeling towards someone. It makes you sick (mind and body) and robs you of good times!
ReplyDeleteHope this helps!
Rosa
Rosa, thank you for your response and sharing your story with me. I have realized that my past traumas have definitely put in me in defense mode most of the time so even the slightest "shade" someone would give me I would hold onto it forever. It was no where near as damaging and hurtful as the abuse I went through as a child however I always connected any wrongdoing to that specific event. Honestly this year has been the most self-reflected and rewarding year for me. I just am learning how to forgive myself so that I can forgive others. You would think by my age (48) that I would have learned how to do this a long time ago. You made some very excellent points in your response and I totally understand and BELIEVE that I am worthy and deserving of happiness and love. You're right..too much time has been wasted.
DeleteThanks again and yes your response helped me a great deal!
Peace & Blessings
T.
Hi T,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your blog and to answer your question..yes the blog is still a bit confusing! You seem to be doing just fine and are offering some great insight to the course and the exercises. I can understand and sympathize with you in regards to loving kindness for an enemy or someone who may have hurt or betrayed you. I struggle with this facet as well, but I try to delve deep and consider my spiritual side and what God would want me to do. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and have been burned a few times by people I love and care for. I think this exercise teaches us that by being the 'better person' and forgiving someone by taking on their struggles, we will not harbor ill feelings, but instead promote within ourselves health, happiness, and wholeness!
Have a great week!
Angela
Angie, thank you for your response and also letting me know that I am not the only one still a little confused with the Blog. Lol. I am going to do the exercise again over the weekend as I really do want to be able to no longer harbor ill feelings. And I no longer feel that it wanting to be happy is a selfish thing. I am starting to see the connection with negative thoughts and it's impact on my health. This was a tough exercise however I believe I entered it with an open mind. Perhaps I allowed old thoughts and ways of thinking interfere. I really appreciate your insight!
DeletePeace & Blessings
T.
Hi T,
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to forgive some people, and it is impossible to get along or make everyone happy. I just try to avoid the toxic people in my life and live in the present. The past is past, and you are doing good at improving your life from what you write! I like the part in the book that states how precious human life is, and how small our population is compared to animals. It is also amazing what humans can do. Take care and have a great week!
You know what is so interesting about your response is that I believe I use to be "one of those toxic people!" I have to actively think positive as soon as my eyes open in the morning. I am slowly turning into more of a optimist rather than the pessimist. I guess I really let all my past traumas define me...or at least my outlook on life. I am in the process of turning it all around. Your words and insight truly helps. This past year I have made changes in my life (removing people and gatherings) to ensure that my daily life is more positive. I refrain from gossiping and as soon as I hear a naysayer yapping I end the conversation. I am putting myself first nowadays and I do see a difference.
DeleteYes, life is truly precious and we are much stronger and wiser and capable then we give ourselves credit.
I hope your week was awesome!
Peace & Blessings
T.
T.,
ReplyDeleteWhile reading your blog for this week, it amazes me that you don't think you are doing very well with this. It sounds like between the meditation exercises and blogging your thoughts, you have been doing a lot of self reflection and it is all good and sounds like it is helping you grow within yourself ( I hope that makes sense). Regarding this statement,"you can’t extend those feelings of love and kindness to others without feeling them for yourself first", maybe think of it this way...think of a person who is in a depression, they are miserable, sad, and full of hatred. How would that person possibly be able to express and share love and kindness to another person when all they know is negativity? If you work on loving yourself first you will be able to connect what you know and give it to others. Don't think of it as selfish, it is simply healthy to do. The part you wrote about taking on others struggles and suffering but you don't want to because you believe they deserve it. I am sure you are right about that. Some people can hurt us badly, but try to change the way you think about this. It is not asking you to Forget what they did, it is asking you to 'Release' what they did. I don't even remember hearing that we are supposed to 'Forgive'. Just to Release it, and for you to release it meaning from within yourself, to rid all the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions related to it. The reason for doing this is NOT for them but 100% for YOU! As we read to harvest negative emotions manifests premature disease and mental suffering. You will not be technically healing them by releasing their suffering you will be healing yourself and yes, that is what is important. I hope this helps.
Kristine G.
Kristine G your words were so powerful and really turned that lightbulb on in my head. I like that releasing part. I think I can actually do that. I use to think I needed to confront my abuser in order to have closure. It is like I wanted a wrong to be righted (is that a word)..anyway I guess your words came right on time..when I was most receptive. You are right that I have been doing a lot of self-reflecting. Which is probably why I am now able to receive your advice. I am ready to heal myself. I do (now) feel that I am deserving and worthy to be happy and loved. Wow, I am really blown away by everyone's comments.... Thank you so much!!
DeletePeace & Blessings
T.